Sunday, April 22, 2007

Why I should have been fired ...

Ok. So. Here's the thing. It's 2:07am. At 12:01am I decided to remove my installation of Suse 10.0 - simple enough...only I am an idjit.

And at the stroke of 12 I turn into ... a monster!


So i "boot up" (up yours, I am a newbie. newbie. Dear God) Partition Magic. Partition magic shows me all of my Hard Disk Drives (HDD) and calls them the "partitions". One is called ext2 and then they (Partition Magic) says the other one must be swap. For the other newbies out there, swap means things like your usb key, usb stick, memory stick, etc - basically things that you can "swap" out. Ext2 means extension - you see Windows XP needs to "dial out" a particular "extension" to reach Suse 10.0 or Linux, or Ubuntu or Mac or Solaris. So, Linux is called ext"2", and Ubuntu, say, would have been called ext"3". Decimals are not allowed.

Moving on. Now Partition Magic, the softwares I installed said that I could delete the "ext2" "Partition" giving me more RAM to "burn" - Lol (Laughing Out Loud) don't worry - your RAMs do not get physically "burned". Wikipedia says that RAM is non-volatile.

Which means my RAM can get burned or boil, but its temperature will not increase and it then saves the life of all RAMs. Oh by the way RAM stands for Random Access Memory. This link from google tells you more

Anyways, So I tells myself, I say , hey man, hey guy, You don't need to have Suse 10.0 its just taking up space and there's no space left for all my clipart and legally acquired music, photos and research material. And PC games.

So I clicked on delete (right click -> select Delete. Watch out, because it does what it says...LOL)
Then I "re-booted" my computer. The fastest way is to just press and hold (don't press, let go and then hold...just press, and without lifting your finger or thumb up, keep holding) the power button for 15- 19 seconds. The computer should switch off and become ready to "re-boot" again.

What what happened was this... apparently a Virus called a grub - grubs are similar to worms and trojan horses. They infect your pc with a virus. Also they are able to "infect" your Windows XP and all softwares you've installed.

This particular grub deleted my Windows, and spewed ( "spewed" isn't an actual "computer" term, I made it up. LOL) an error like ERROR 22 Grub is now 1.5 stages. I think this means that this grub virus grows exponentially (maybe even explicitly!!!) - I am not sure what the maximum stage is for the "grub" to grow to full capacity and destroy all data on my PC - I used my mates (no not that kind of mate.LOL) PC to search the Information Super Highway (that is a computer term for the World wide web), I discovered that his machine was ALSO INFECTED BUT THIS TIME BY A DIFFERENT TROJAN. ALL RESPONSES WERE WEIRD AND VERY INFLAMMATORY AND SOME OF THE LETTERS WERE CHANGED INTO NUMBERS!!!

I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT ON EARTH WAS GOING ON! WERE ALL TEH MACHINES IN THE WORLD INFECTED -

My mate wasn't impressed either and promptly ran out to purchase a Apple Macintosh Laptop. Apple computers apparently "boot" or "run" off different Internets than INTEL or MICROSOFT PCs.

I was desperate. I found the installation CD-ROM and put into my computer. My DELL INSPIRON service provider luckily provided me with a booklet to "BOOT" into WINDOWS to recover my DATA. I called technical support but I could sense there was an Indian on the line. I hung up and dialled again. ENGLISH! What a relief - There's nothing worse trying to understand an Indian - they really should promote English, Capitalism and other education to them. They are a good people, just difficult to understand and quite poor.

I followed the ENGLISH (whew) technical support technician's instructions to a proverbial TEA! Readers, do not ask me what actually "went down" but I think I actually programmed the PC to fix the machine.

I can remember a FIXME file that I programmed into the machine. Other than that, if you have similar problems, I can e-mail you the technical support technicians details. My Winows XP is working superbly - no sign of that pesky grubs. I will download the latest "firewall" which should literally burn the B******************* off the map!!

It is strange how biologically modern Personal Computers work... things like FIRE, GRUBS, VIRUS, etc...

its 2:38am

*pop*

I need to barf.
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